i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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