he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
