Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
