"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Even my vagina gasped.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
