so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize