is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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