don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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