I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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