Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize