ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
