4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
