I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't turn off my feet"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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