the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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