If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
