new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
