I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
