They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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