Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
