Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
