So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My pussy is not your playground.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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