He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
