I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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