I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Boobs speak an international language.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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