i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
