I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
