I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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