I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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