I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
