I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
