My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
