Operation Purity has been aborted
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
