Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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