YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
