New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
