i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
