I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
