Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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