Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
