Betty ford says i'm here all night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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