I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
