hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
