we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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