U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
