can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
