is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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