He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
