could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize