i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
