I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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