Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
