i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
