You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's great music for shaving your balls
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
