Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will die if light touches me.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
