i just google imaged poop.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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