I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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