Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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