I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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