singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
