member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
