Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
