so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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