Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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