I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
