Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
