the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
